It doesn't happen daily anymore, but I do think about our family dynamics and how routines would be altered and roles would change if little Blue were in fact getting ready to join us soon. I rarely use the stroller these days, and it's been a while since we've touched a diaper. When Luke is in my arms now, his feet hang below my kneecaps! How and when did that happen?!! So when I see the pudgy toes and the pink cheeks and the binkies and the blankets and the strollers, I marvel at how tiny these little bundles really are. I smile and I squeeze mine tight and then send a little love to my own above. Sometimes there's an ache and sometimes not. I know he's close.
We received word over the summer after a few misunderstandings and clarifications that everything was in order when it came to Baby Blue. We could now go to a physical place and have a little family memorial for our baby. I wanted to do something meaningful that our entire family could understand--that Baby Blue is a member of our eternal family-- That he is our son and our brother. So, we went to one of the few places you can find helium tanks down here, and got 6 blue balloons for the 6 members of our family. I should have known to get a few extras just in case...
One popped in the car and another on a prickly branch as we were trying to find Parque Recuerdo. The kids were worried sick that we'd be without balloons by the time we found the cemetery, but we managed to hold on to four of them.
The grounds of the cemetery were beautiful. And we were so grateful for the peace we felt as we walked together as a family to the area dedicated to babies who returned home to our Heavenly Parents earlier than the rest of us.
We each took a balloon and wrote a little message to Blue.
Jake's made me cry.
When everyone finished, we found the perfect spot to talk...
...and to pray
...and to count down from 5
and then we let our balloons
I guess it wasn't such a bad thing that 2 of our balloons popped, leaving us with only 4. As I watched them disappear into that perfect, bright, blue sky, it felt right. Of course.
We have four children. And I will always love each one of them with all of my heart.