A Little Tender Mercy

Three days after we got home from the hospital, I woke up to get the kids off to school, and Kate and Jake came downstairs and looked around and then looked at me and in complete and utter shock.  "Where are the decorations, Mom?!!!  It's Luke's birthday!!!!"
It's true.  It was November 26th.  It was Luke's 3rd birthday.  And normally, birthdays in our home consist of plenty of decorations and at least 1 banner of love that gets put up to commemorate the big day.
The walls were bare.
I realized at that moment, that even if I didn't feel like it, I needed to get out of my jammies and go through the motions of feeling good, and then maybe it'd actually happen.

"I promise when you get home, the decor will be up, and we will have a fantastic evening to celebrate Luke."  I kissed away their worried glances and sent them off to school with Joe.

I took a shower, got dressed, and put on makeup for the first time since Friday.  I couldn't cry today.  Today was about Luke and the only tears I'd be shedding would be happy ones for our little miracle that joined us almost 2 months early, 3 years ago.  And so I got to work.  The balloons were hung from the ceiling, the banner and signs were taped up, the special birthday chair was decorated and the "cochat cake wif letters" was in the oven.

We had asked Luke weeks before what type of cake he would want for his birthday.  All he said was a chocolate one with letters.  Luke's life revolves around letters.  He eats and breathes and sleeps letters.  He simply can't get enough of them and doesn't want to play or do anything that doesn't have the ABC's involved.  Since my oven down here is so temperamental when it comes to baking, I try to always go small--mini bundt cakes instead of my big ones--cupcakes instead of cakes--they always come out so much better.  Half black half gooey is fun once in a great while to remind me where I am, but not for special occasions.  So, I went for cupcakes.

I went to pick the kids up from school, and we stopped at the grocery store to pick up some Gummi letters to top the cupcakes with.  (So grateful for that easy solution thought up by Jake!!!)  They also wanted to pick out presents for their brother.  After paying, we took the gifts over to the service desk to have them wrapped (a total perk of living in Chile--free wrapping always).  The lady looked at me and said, "Regalo o Navidad?"  Is this a regular present or for Christmas?  I told her it was a regular birthday and she picked out the paper and got to work.  A man came by to help her, and the next thing I knew, she was scolding him for getting out Christmas paper to wrap the present she had handed him.  He looked at me and held the present up to ask me if I wanted him to redo it.

I took one look at the present and tears flooded my eyes.  For the little gift that I had picked out to give to Luke, was wrapped in baby boy Christmas angels.  I smiled through my blurry vision and said, "No, esta perfecto."  It was just a little extra love for me at that moment.  My baby was close.  I felt him.  Maybe it was even his way of saying, "This one's from me to my big brother Luke."